Mr Tan’s idea of counseling as a good piece of conversation goes hand in hand with the art of integrative therapy. The goal of the therapist is to have a purposeful relationship with the client. The BIG event is to ‘socialize the client into and through the counseling process’. More often than not, the client has no love for self, live for others and often desiring to change according to the therapist’s suggestions.
The therapist then has to exercise ‘control’ (how much and how fast) of therapeutic intervention. The key is ‘do as client’s able to.’
I learnt that anger is not a primary emotion. It masks fear, anxiety and hurt. In fact it is a defense mechanism. As a symptom, it therefore connects with other feelings. Normalizing the anger may slowly allow the other feelings to surface. The client must trust me enough to want to reveal the more vulnerable side of him. My existential approach will require me to stay in constant touch with his emotions:
What are you experiencing?
What were you feeling?
What are you feeling now?
I would help client to gain greater awareness by contacting his raw nerves:
‘If I were her, how would you talk to me?’ (I would emphasize on the psycho-presence of her in the session.)
I would point out his non-verbal behaviour and talk about it. Ultimately client must know he cannot Control, Change and Cure his significant others.
When dealing with resistance of client at some point during therapy, I will need to re-assess client’s problems and revisit goals set at start of therapy. Resistance is part of therapy and therefore client’s readiness is crucial. On the other hand, role-play can be used to identify negative feelings, to explore and challenge them if necessary.
The grounds for termination include: Goals achieved, goals not achieved (poor fit), client refused to engage, and client refused to pay fees (I would consider a reduced rate or pro-bono if client goes into financial difficulty) or client decides to stop.
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