Romance is a partnership of love-story. It is how love is maintained. It is the exchange or language of love. Romantic love is the falling in love. It is ‘I love you because…’ It is vital to keeping the relationship alive. But real love is rising to love. It is saying ‘I love you despite ….’ When we get to know each other better, our brains start to settle down and romantic love transits to real love.
Mr Lim posed the question, ‘Why romance fades?’
Some answers captured: Familiarity breeds contempt – couples stop thinking about romance or work at it. Inherent need in people for colors in life therefore results in pursuit of different partners. Mutual needs not met. Specific needs not met. Some couple’s threshold for conflicts are low. No time for each other – couple connect only to complain.
A heterosexual couple are made up of two different personalities observing own specific boundaries but crave for each other’s attention, validation and to be doted on. There lies within each of us the need for security/stability on one hand and adventure/mystery on the other. This relationship is supposed to be sustained by affectionate love and fueled by passionate desire but the ‘ship’ sometimes is smooth-sailing, other times sink.
We discussed on why affectionate love is such a chore for the men. It is, as it means staying in touch with each other, expressing love in words and actions. And this takes time. The men are more attentive to their career once they have settled into the marriage. Ideally, the couple should attend to each other in love, shows their appreciation in love languages, acknowledge gratefulness by feeling it, showing it & saying it..
It is mandatory to maintain intimate contact with spouse. People thrive well when given praises. ‘I can live for 2 months on a good compliment.’ – Mark Twain
The most common obstacle that keeps couples from being intimate is the fear of being upset. And fear is the opposite of love.
Passion and intimacy needs to be injected into the conventional family for the couple to meet each other needs fully.
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